it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
