there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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