I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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