the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
