I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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