my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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