the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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