Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
