And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
