Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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