well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
