I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
