Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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