thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
