All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
