They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
