i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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