Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
