i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
