not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
