my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize