Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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