i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
