Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
