talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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