Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
