I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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