Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She bit a glass in half.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
