I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
