Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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