am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
