I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize