I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
