Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize