Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
