the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
