one two three fourrrrnication!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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