I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
