Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
