so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
someone owes me an orgasm
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize