hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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