dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
