actually, I'm a sock model
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
