I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
