Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you had me at cake vodka
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
