so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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