we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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