Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
