and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
