I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
