it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
