He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
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