So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
