My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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