mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
