Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
