Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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