I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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