My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
