he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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