There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
