I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
