he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
