is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
