Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
