Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
