i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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