Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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