this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
A bitchslap is in order.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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