he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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