i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Your cock deserves a montage
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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