It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
