A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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