um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize