apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
