i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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