and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
