my being single is dangerous.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
