Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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