my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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