other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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