I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize