Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
