dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
