Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
