His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
