it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
