he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
