I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
