if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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