i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
