Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
