I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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