hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
