Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
