I think my fart just growled at me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
