the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
