Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize