you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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