D3 body, D1 cock
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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