Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
