epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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