she was so not down for the gang bang
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
